We crave the feeling of control. It puts us at ease.

The problem is that we try to control things that aren’t in our control, making us feel vulnerable and face constant disappointments when things often don’t go our way.

The key is to make a clear distinction between what we actually can control, and what we can’t—and completely let go of trying to control what’s not in our hands. This frees up a lot of mental energy and makes us more resilient to difficult and unpleasant surprises.

For example, we can’t control what others think about us. We can influence it, but the end result is not up to us. Similarly, we can’t control whether or not we get the job we just interviewed for, although we can improve our odds by going in prepared and appropriately dressed.

We can do our best, and control our own reactions. Trying to control anything else than that is a game that cannot be won.